Court. even the word is unpleasant.
In 2010, I would’ve never imagined I’d be where I am today..
..a teen mom to a beautiful baby girl.
I also would’ve never thought I’d have a court date for the sentencing of my daughter’s father, my former best friend.
I’m not ready to open up about the situation as a whole. However, I can open up about how it feels in general.
For a long time I said I wouldn’t make an appearance in court on the sentencing date. I felt that he didn’t deserve to know how the crime impacted my life and he didn’t even deserve to see my face. I got over that. I realized I need to go for myself. I don’t care. My needs come first. I need some kind of closure and I need to get everything out of my system. This is my one chance to say what I have to say. After that, I can just let it go. I’m glad I came to that realization. If I hadn’t, I would’ve had a lot of regrets later. It took until a couple days ago for me to make my final decision.
Writing a Victims Impact Statement is one of the most intense things I have ever written. Imagine pouring your life out on paper. My secrets, my weaknesses, straight up my feelings, and how the crime has impacted my life. There are so many problems and so much that has happened, its been difficult to put into words. Its brought up emotions I didn’t even know that I had. I cried for hours. Its been an emotional roller coaster.
The other day I had worked on my statement for a couple of hours. When someone tried to talk to me, I just started balling my eyes out. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt like I was a big sponge being squeezed every time someone said one word.
Court is tomorrow morning. I am nervous. I don’t want to face him. Hopefully he is located somewhere out of my sight. Or maybe I will just keep my eyes closed the whole time… undecided, but I won’t know what I’ll do or how I’ll act until I am in the situation.
I used to ask myself… “why did god let this happen?” “why did this happen to me?”
All I know is God gives people free will. God allows people to act how they please. Its up to us if we want to live in God’s Will or in Self-Will. In this case the offender was acting in Self-Will… and sadly I was in his pathway.
God didn’t do this to me, I cannot blame God for someone else’s actions.
I just need to deal with the cards I was delt the best way I can…
I need all the prayers I can get. I know God is on my side no matter what happens.
I’ve been meaning to post this, but I have had far too much going on in this brain of mine to even think straight. I hope ya’ll forgive me <3.
Once this is all over with I’ll be sure to start writing again <3.
Maybe someday I’ll post the story of her father & I. Maybe someday I’ll post my victims impact statement…
If you or anyone you know is a victim of a crime and needs help with a statement or just court dates in general. I’m here.